I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
