I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
