Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
