The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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