you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
