fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
