I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
