I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
