i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
