why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
