why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I cut my penus on the lid.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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