You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
