Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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