Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
