I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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