I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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