I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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