Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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