i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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