Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
