That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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