Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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