before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
