Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Is Oprah even human
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
