I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Randomize
