Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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