Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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