xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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