Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
