Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
