I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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