how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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