Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize