I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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