I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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