My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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