he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
