she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
