3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
