My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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