I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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