mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
