i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
