I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
