i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
