the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize