I hate all girls vehemently.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
