tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
organizing the empties. That sober.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
