its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
how can u be prego again
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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