I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
PANTIES FOUND
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