That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize