Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
