Apparently you make a good broom.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
