Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
