brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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