i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
