She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
