i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
