Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
