worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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