Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
