I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
