The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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