I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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