Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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