i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
