Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
