I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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