just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
