You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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