She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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