Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
