Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i now understand why vodka
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
