Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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