My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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