If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
