DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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